Not perfect

I am definatly not perfect. I have gotten off track by a lot. I gained back about 10lbs and I am so sad about it. Of course I can not dwell on the fact that I gained weight. I know this is part of the process of keeping it off forever. Now it is time for me to look into myself and figure out why I let myself do this.

I can use the excuse that I was on vacation, but to me that isn't good enough because I had access to a gym and should have made better food choices. I could blame it on my injured foot, but that is a copout. After all I have had bad feet for years and it hasn;t stopped me in the past. Really I just let myself down and decided not to think of me again. This is always my peopblem I think about my kids nd my family over myself.

Today is a new day. I am back to eating healthy (started my day with a protein shake) and I will be meeting my trainer for a good upper body workout (in walking cast so no lower body). I already planned my meals for the day and trying to eat much healthier. I also planned out my meals for the next 3 days. I am hoping this helps and makes things a lot easier.

Thanks for sticking by me and supporting me through thsi journey. I have so many reasons to lose the weight (husband will behome from deployment soon, I'm in a wedding n October, Marine Corps Ball in November, and I just want to have a healthier easier life).

So what I am saying is I am not perfect and that is okay. Just as long as I get up and don't give up I will make it through this.

Epic fail!

I am here to admit my failure's and believe me I do fail. I was doing so good on my weightloss, but soemthing happened. I am not sure what happened, but something did and it was like hitting a brick wall. I gained 3lbs back. I was so disappointed I started jumping back into my old habits. Eating bad, barely working out, not liking myself. Finally I forced myself to go back to the gym. Thank goodness I did. The first session back I sucked. Even the trainer said I wasn't myself. I told him I wasn't into it and I didn't feel good. Well he didn't give up on me. Instead he changed my workout and pushed me.

I hated every moment of that workout and could have screamed at my trainer, but I didn't. I complained and he let me, but he never let me quit. So I did the workout even though I didn't want to. You know what happend? I left much happier and felt like I WASN'T a failure. Instead I knew I could do it, and there was someone there to push me to do it.

So once again i am back on track. I have so far to go, but I have taken off the 3lbs I gained and I know I will be okay. Time to focus and get serious. I realy want to lose another 30lbs before September!

Cleaning Plates

I was talking to a friend about habits I am trying to change. One of the biggest is cleaning my kids plate. You know what I am talking about. When there are 2 fries left on the plate it needs to go in the trash not my mouth. Or they didn't touch their chicken at all. You don't want to waste it so you eat it. Never mind you already ate your 4 oz of chicken and all the sides already.

Another thing is when you get your kids a snack. Even though they are kids snacks you can't stop yourself from taking that one little bit to taste it. No more doing that!!!! I know it looks good, but stop. I am so guilty of this of course. Even things I know I don't like because it is a snack I pop it right in my mouth. I always regret it later yet I still do it.

So I think it is time that we say no more cleaning the kids plates. Now after they eat and I have looked at the plates and decided they tried enough of their ood I make the kids put the rest in the trash and rinse off their plates. My 2 year old is even doing this. So no more cleaning the kids plates for me. Now to just work on that snack thing....

WOW!!!!

I know I am losing weight and looking better in my clothes. I just can't see it. When you are as big as I am it is hard to see weightloss until you lose large amounts. So I had my trainer weigh me, tape me, and pinch me. I was so shocked to see the numbers. I have lost 26lbs since my husband left for his deployments Feb 28th! Not too shabby at all. I am down 4% body fat! I lost 8 inches in my waist, 6 inches in my shoulders 5 inches in my hips, and a bunch more inches in other areas of my body! I was shocked when my trainer read off my numbers. I couldn't believe it. I knew I was working hard and was getting results, but I couldn't see the results. Now I have hard numbers and I am feeling great.

For a reward ( I really think it was punishment, lol) my trainer gave me an extra hard workout. Boy am I feeling it this morning. My shoulders and arms are killing me. I thought he would take it easy on me after the great numbers, but I was wrong. He pushed me extra hard and looks forward to more results just like I do.

Having a trainer is expensive, but in the end it has been so worth it. He is pushing me in ways I wouldn't have done myself. I would have been intimidated by all the guys using the weights. I would have skipped those everytime, but not with the trainer. He gets me going and now I get to see the results.

Fitting in clothes

Before my husband left for deployment I bought this really cute black and white shirt. Well I never tried it on at the store because it was my size and I hate getting undressed in public. So I got it home and tried it on. Well guess what? Your right it didn't fit me. I was so mad. I looked horrible and it was so tight on me that I couldn't breath. Of course it was too cute take back, plus my toddler had already pulled the tag off. So I put it in the closet hoping I would lose weight to be able to fit in it.

Well today I was trying to figure out what to wear. I am doing childcare for the services of a  Marine who lost his life. Well I don't want to go in my cargo pants and tshirt because I feel it would be disrespectful. Of course I also didn't want to dress too formal with working with kids. So I go in the closet and try on this shirt. I was sure it wouldn't fit. After all it was six weeks ago I could barely pull it over my chest. Well low and behold the shirt fits!!!!

I am so excited to be seeing the results. I am glad my clothes are getting a little looser. I still have a LONG way to go, but I am making progress.

Falling on my butt (literally) and getting back up

I've been meaning to tell you all about my fall at the gym. When I say fall I mean I fell flat on my booty. It was the slowest fall in my life. I swear I could have read War in Peace in the time that it took me to fall. It was slow motion at it's finest. My trainer wasn't doing anything very difficult, but I over thought it. I was thinking about everything that could happen, would happen, how to so it correctly and everything else. It was horrible.

So when I fell all I really wanted to do was sit there and say I am done. I'm going home. That hurt. I am DONE for the day. BUT....I didn't do that. Sure it hurt a little. I am a big girl and I fell off a stool and my big old booty and slammed my ankle into the ground. It would have been easy to give up. Instead I got up and went right back at it. Of course we decided no more stool for teh day, but I kept at it and got a great workout.

When Iw as done with my training session I kept thinking how easy it would have been to give up. After all that is what I have done in the past. Of course this time I didn't do this. I got up and kept going. So if you fall figurtivly or literally just get back up. You can do this, just like I am doing it.

Confession

Well I orginally reported my weight on here at 295, well I was wrong. Way wrong :( I guess my scale only goes that high. Come to find out after seeing my doctor and weighing in at the gym three weeks ago my real start weight was 310lbs!!!! I was so embarressed by it I couldn't get myself to record it. Of course I think it is important that you all know the truth, besides I want you to be able to celebrate in my success.

Well today was my second weigh in at the doctors and at the gym. I haven't really seen any weightloss, but the scale doesn't lie. I am down to 291lbs. That is a weightloss of 19lbs!!!!! What a great accomplishment for me.

I did tell my trainer I was a little discouraged because I can't see any weightloss, but he is a great encouragement. He reminded me that 3 weeks ago I was laboring through workouts and doing so much less. Now I am doing things I haven't done in years. So instead of being annoyed at not seeing more physical results I am proud of seeing what I can do now that I didn't do yesterday.

Of course my biggest reward is the kids. They have told me they like the new mom better because I am willing to do more things with them.

So now I made my confession to you all and I feel so much better. Thaks for your support and encouragment.

Quick dinner

I had a few friends ask me about some quick healthy dnners. So I thought I would post one of my all time favorite's.

I call it veggie fajitas:

Any and all fresh or frozen veggies you like. I usually do bell peppers, onion, zucchini, broccoli, and sliced carrots. In a pan satue veggies in 1 teaspoon of extra virgin olive oil and Mrs. Dash spicy seasoning. When veggies are at the tenderness you like dd two slices of reduced fat pepper jack cheese. Once melts place in warmed whole wheat tortilla.

I had this tonight for dinner and it was so good and only 300 calories! BTW I usually make 2 at a time and that is 300 calories. So you will get filled up.

Enjoy!

Just get back up!

So I was doing so well with what I was eating and my exercise and then I decided to order the kids pizza! Yes pizza. The oh so not good for you pizza. The day before I had gone to CPK and got a spinach articoke pizza and was good and only ate 2 slices, but then Sunday I ate 3 of Dominos slices. That is horrible. I was so upset with myself. I didn't even enjoy it (especially after having yummy CPK the night before). But that is okay because I refused to beat myself up about it.

A month or so ago I would have got really upset and just continued making back food choices, but not this time. This time I got myself up and kept on trucking. We are going to have set backs, but the thing about set backs as long as we learn from them and don't continue on with them then we will be okay. So that is what I did. I ate healthy all day and did an extra long workout at the gym. So now I feel great.

So when you feel like you have failed remember to just get back up. I was always told you had to fail first to really know how to succeed!

Loving me (very raw & personal)

It took me a long time to understand some things. Mainly that I would never be happy and be where I want to be unless I love myself. I know people say this all the time, and I always thought I loved myself, but then I really started thinking about this. Do I love myself? If I love myself why do I do the things that I do?

Well I can say I went through periods of time in my life where I didn't love myself anymore. Where I thought I did, but truely I didn't. I had the stage in my life where I partied, drank, and unfortunatly slept with men I shouldn't have. Obviously I didn't love myself. I did these things because I wasn't happy with myself and didn't love me.

There was also a time in my life (more recently) that I ate to be happy. How dumb is that? I didn't like myself and didn't want to admit to myself that I was eating for all the wrong reasons. I stopped working out and let myself go. Plain and simple I got FAT. I hate being fat, but I let myself get this way because I didn't love myself the way I should.

Now I have decided I am worth loving, and I do love myself. I am truely blessed and I am so happy with myself. I see physical and mental changes in myself all the time, and I love it. I am taking myself back and loving myself more and more everyday.

Family Fun Time

I am really enjoying working out at the gym, but I am also trying to figure out how to get the kids move active with me when they are home. This week is our spring break and I will have them with me all day everyday. So I need to find fun things that we can do together that are active.

So far we are planning our walks and the kids will be riding their bikes or scooters while I push my littlest one in his stroller. That way I can still get out and about with my walking buddies. I try to walk everywhere with the kids. Of course I would like more active things to do too. Any thoughts?

I am glad my kids are enjoying the walks we are doing. They all have been so supportive of me, and they are so young. I am lucky to have these three in my life.

One Step At A Time

So I have been working out pretty regularly since my husband left for Afghanistan. The elliptical machine is my best bud and I can stay on it for hours. I know some people struggle with it, but I love it and I get a great workout and feel great. Sure my legs feel weird after I step off, but all in all I feel great.

Well today I tried something new. The stair climber. I am used to the old fashioned stair stepper, but now they have these machines that look like stairs. So I get on it. Man is it harder then I thought. I put in for 15 minutes, but I will confess I only made it to 6 minutes. It was much harder then I thought. BUT I tried something new.

I think it is important to try new things when you are working out so you don't get bored and you don't quite so easily. So now I plan on hitting that stair machine each and every time I go to the gym. I figure each time I will go for longer and soon my butt will be where it is supposed to be, one step at a time.

So I challenge you to get moving and to try something new. My next new adventure will be Zumba.

Pushing through the soreness

I am loving the gym and my personal trainer. Of course it has left me a little sore. My trainer is working muscle groups I haven't used in years. It feels so good, but boy am I sore too. It would be so easy to just take a few days off to recover, but I know that will just lead to more soreness and no weightloss. So I am pushing through the soreness.

My trainer asked if I was having pain and I said no I am just sore. He started laughing at me. I explained to him that pain would mean I needed to see a doctor, but the soreness meaned I was just working on my muscles and getting in shape. He said he liked my attitude.

So even though I am sore I will be getting on my elliptical today and doing at least an hour workout. So the moral of the story is soreness is good. It means you are working those muscles that you have left dormant way too long.

My first goal

I keep being asked what my first weight loss goal is. I know I have a goal to lose at least 50lbs while my husband is deployed, but that is a ways off. So I was thinking what should be my first goal? I could do the 10lb thing, but really I want it to have meaning. So my first goal is to be able to wear my wedding ring again!

I haven;t been able to wear my wedding ring for more then an hour in years. It is a struggle to get my ring on and even worse to try and get it off. I have a pretty and simple ring that I adore because it is from my husband, butit sits in the jewelry box. Everytime I get it on my hands swell so bad I can't get it back off. So for the most part it stays in the jewelry box.

I can't wait til the day I can wear my wedding ring again. I know my husband will love it. So hopefully by the end of the month I will have that baby on my hand. Stay tuned and I will get back to you.

Harder then I thought :(

I know what you are thinking. This is supposed to be a blog about me losing weight, but really it is much more. It is about me being a wife to a Marine, and a mom to three great kids too. Sometimes this comes at a cost. Of course sometimes this is a blessing too. I love my life, but sometimes I am sad and confused. I want to make this clear from the beginning I support my Marine 110% We bleed red, white, and blue. Of course sometimes I see "civilian" families and say I wish I had that life.

My husband has been away so much of our marriage. I knew what I was getting into when I married him, but that doesn't make it any easier. Now as we approach our next deployment all I keep thinking is why? Why does he have to go again? Why can't he stay with me and my kids? Why do I have to be the one to hold the pieces together? Why do I have to explain to the kids that daddy loves them even though he isn't here. Why?

I know why. I met this wonderful man who is serving his country because he loves me and my kids so much. He doesn't want to go away and die for me, but if God feels it is his time he will gladly lay down his life to protect us. I fell in love with a man I swore I never would. After all I never imagined I could be a military wife. Of course God decided I was the perfect lady for the job.

So I will have my days, and believe me I will have more then two, that I hate that someone has taken my husband away from my family. Heck today is one of those days. I can't even look at my husband without crying or being angrey with him. It isn't my fault and it isn't his either. It's just the job that God knew we were meant to do. I will stand strong, but I will have my weak moments too.

Please don't judge me and say I chose this life. Please do not complain to me when your spouse goes away for a long weekend work trip. Please don't tell me you feel sorry for me. And please tell me you would never fall in love with a man in uniform and give up your life for them. Oh and don't tell me you would never do that to your kids. I never thought I would and now I have been married for 11+ years to a wonderful Marine, and now we are about to embark on our 5th deployment. Yes this is hard, but we will get through it...as a loving family.

Step 1 Complete!

I did it. I joined the gym! I am so excited. I have gotten some flack because I didn't just use the free military gym, but there is no childcare. Let me rephrase that. There is Co-Op childcare and the wait list is 6 to 12 months. Well I don't have 6 to 12 months. I need to start now, today! So I went to 24 hour fitmess and enrolled myself today. I even went ahead and signed up for a personal trainer for 13 sessions. I am excited.

I am definatly one of those people that if I pay for the gym then I will use the gym. I hate wasting money. So the gym route was a good route for me to go. Plus I am one of those people that once I start going I will always go. So next Wednesday I plan on getting my butt kicked, and loving it. I may change my tune by then  but fnally I am taking a step in the right direction.

Also an added bonus is one of my friends joined with me. Workouts are so much easier and funnier with support of a wacky friend who always knows how to make you laugh.

Putting Me First

I was watching the Biggest Loser the other night and was both inspired and sad. All those parents giving up so much for their kids. Of course this is reality. I got the way I am partly because I have given up so much for my kids. Pre kids I was an athlete, gym nut, and all around outgoing person. Now with children I put their priorities before my own. Why do we do this? My only answer is LOVE.

I love my kids so I want to put them first. Of course in the process of doing this we really aren't taking care of our kids properly. When we are overweight and grumpy then we can not care or love our kids to our full potential. I have a hard time doing physical things with my kids and they want to do these things with me. I am embarressed to go to the beach and my kids want to go to the beach. So in the process of putting our kids first we may really be putting them last.

So parents it is okay for us to put our kids first sometimes, but sometimes we have to put ourselves first. The happier and healthier we are the happy and healthier our kids will be. If we don't want to pass our bad habits onto our kids then it is time to put us first. The best thing my daughter said to me recently is "Mom I am so glad you are taking us for more walks and letting us ride our bikes more." This made me happy and sad at the same time. I had been taking things my kids enjoy away from them without even noticing it. Of course now I am making a change.

So ladies, and men too get up and get moving and take your life back. This is how we will be putting our kids first, by first putting ourselves first. The happier healthier we are the happy healthier our kids will be!

The Next Week Phenomenon

One of my Facebook friends mentioned that she always tells herself I will start next week. Well I am one of those people too. Next week, Monday I will start my diet. Next week I will start working out. Next week next week next week. The problem is next week turns into next week. Why do we do this to ourselves? Why can't we make a date and time we are going to lose weight and just do it? Because it is too much pressure. What if we fail at next week?

No more next week for this girl. I may not start a "diet" this week, but I will start something. Getting off the couch and moving more. That is what I am going to do today. I am going to get off this big old booty and walk somewhere instead of getting into my car to get there. Yes I understand I live in Hawaii so I can get outside and walk even in the winter. Of course there is other things you can do.

So no more next week. Instead it is now. Seize the day and conquer your fear because really fear is what is letting you get stuck in the next week phenomenon. Realize you may fail this week, but that is okay as long as you learn from your failure. Until you get up and get moving you can't live that life you deserve.

So no more Next Week. Instead start TODAY!

Taking Me Back

This is something new I am trying and I hope it will help me and other women along the way. I am a 34 year old proud Marine Corps wife and mom to three great kids. Of course for the last 11 years that has been my identity. No one really calls me Michele anymore. Instead I am SSGT Kuepfer's wife or Stephen's mom. I love my family and they are my world but it is time for me to finally put myself first. In the last several years I have packed on the pounds. When I got married I was a healthy curvy 165lbs. Now I am tipping the scales at 293lbs! Yes I said it. I am 293lbs! When I stepped on the scale and saw my weight I thought I would pass out. How did I let myself get this big.

I learned a long time ago that I turn to food for answers. When I saw the scale and how much I weighed the frst thing I wanted was some buffalo wings with lots of ranch. I figured that would make me feel better. Well after eating those buffalo wings I sat and cried for many hours. Instead of doing something for myself I went and made things worse. WHY???? I really don't know, but I am tired. So this is the start of my journey.

My husband is leaving for another deployment to the sandbox and I am taking this opportunity to start working on me. I got out my elliptical and dusted it off. Already got myself a membership to the local YMCA. Bought the kids new bikes to ride while I do my walks. Plus I found two great ladies who are my walking buddies. I have a goal to lose 50lbs while my husband is deployed. I know this is attainable, but I will have to be accountable to myself. I want to do this. Hopefully along the way I can celebrate my triumps and commiserate with you over my weaknesses.

Look out world because Michele is coming back!