Harder then I thought :(

I know what you are thinking. This is supposed to be a blog about me losing weight, but really it is much more. It is about me being a wife to a Marine, and a mom to three great kids too. Sometimes this comes at a cost. Of course sometimes this is a blessing too. I love my life, but sometimes I am sad and confused. I want to make this clear from the beginning I support my Marine 110% We bleed red, white, and blue. Of course sometimes I see "civilian" families and say I wish I had that life.

My husband has been away so much of our marriage. I knew what I was getting into when I married him, but that doesn't make it any easier. Now as we approach our next deployment all I keep thinking is why? Why does he have to go again? Why can't he stay with me and my kids? Why do I have to be the one to hold the pieces together? Why do I have to explain to the kids that daddy loves them even though he isn't here. Why?

I know why. I met this wonderful man who is serving his country because he loves me and my kids so much. He doesn't want to go away and die for me, but if God feels it is his time he will gladly lay down his life to protect us. I fell in love with a man I swore I never would. After all I never imagined I could be a military wife. Of course God decided I was the perfect lady for the job.

So I will have my days, and believe me I will have more then two, that I hate that someone has taken my husband away from my family. Heck today is one of those days. I can't even look at my husband without crying or being angrey with him. It isn't my fault and it isn't his either. It's just the job that God knew we were meant to do. I will stand strong, but I will have my weak moments too.

Please don't judge me and say I chose this life. Please do not complain to me when your spouse goes away for a long weekend work trip. Please don't tell me you feel sorry for me. And please tell me you would never fall in love with a man in uniform and give up your life for them. Oh and don't tell me you would never do that to your kids. I never thought I would and now I have been married for 11+ years to a wonderful Marine, and now we are about to embark on our 5th deployment. Yes this is hard, but we will get through it...as a loving family.

Step 1 Complete!

I did it. I joined the gym! I am so excited. I have gotten some flack because I didn't just use the free military gym, but there is no childcare. Let me rephrase that. There is Co-Op childcare and the wait list is 6 to 12 months. Well I don't have 6 to 12 months. I need to start now, today! So I went to 24 hour fitmess and enrolled myself today. I even went ahead and signed up for a personal trainer for 13 sessions. I am excited.

I am definatly one of those people that if I pay for the gym then I will use the gym. I hate wasting money. So the gym route was a good route for me to go. Plus I am one of those people that once I start going I will always go. So next Wednesday I plan on getting my butt kicked, and loving it. I may change my tune by then  but fnally I am taking a step in the right direction.

Also an added bonus is one of my friends joined with me. Workouts are so much easier and funnier with support of a wacky friend who always knows how to make you laugh.

Putting Me First

I was watching the Biggest Loser the other night and was both inspired and sad. All those parents giving up so much for their kids. Of course this is reality. I got the way I am partly because I have given up so much for my kids. Pre kids I was an athlete, gym nut, and all around outgoing person. Now with children I put their priorities before my own. Why do we do this? My only answer is LOVE.

I love my kids so I want to put them first. Of course in the process of doing this we really aren't taking care of our kids properly. When we are overweight and grumpy then we can not care or love our kids to our full potential. I have a hard time doing physical things with my kids and they want to do these things with me. I am embarressed to go to the beach and my kids want to go to the beach. So in the process of putting our kids first we may really be putting them last.

So parents it is okay for us to put our kids first sometimes, but sometimes we have to put ourselves first. The happier and healthier we are the happy and healthier our kids will be. If we don't want to pass our bad habits onto our kids then it is time to put us first. The best thing my daughter said to me recently is "Mom I am so glad you are taking us for more walks and letting us ride our bikes more." This made me happy and sad at the same time. I had been taking things my kids enjoy away from them without even noticing it. Of course now I am making a change.

So ladies, and men too get up and get moving and take your life back. This is how we will be putting our kids first, by first putting ourselves first. The happier healthier we are the happy healthier our kids will be!

The Next Week Phenomenon

One of my Facebook friends mentioned that she always tells herself I will start next week. Well I am one of those people too. Next week, Monday I will start my diet. Next week I will start working out. Next week next week next week. The problem is next week turns into next week. Why do we do this to ourselves? Why can't we make a date and time we are going to lose weight and just do it? Because it is too much pressure. What if we fail at next week?

No more next week for this girl. I may not start a "diet" this week, but I will start something. Getting off the couch and moving more. That is what I am going to do today. I am going to get off this big old booty and walk somewhere instead of getting into my car to get there. Yes I understand I live in Hawaii so I can get outside and walk even in the winter. Of course there is other things you can do.

So no more next week. Instead it is now. Seize the day and conquer your fear because really fear is what is letting you get stuck in the next week phenomenon. Realize you may fail this week, but that is okay as long as you learn from your failure. Until you get up and get moving you can't live that life you deserve.

So no more Next Week. Instead start TODAY!

Taking Me Back

This is something new I am trying and I hope it will help me and other women along the way. I am a 34 year old proud Marine Corps wife and mom to three great kids. Of course for the last 11 years that has been my identity. No one really calls me Michele anymore. Instead I am SSGT Kuepfer's wife or Stephen's mom. I love my family and they are my world but it is time for me to finally put myself first. In the last several years I have packed on the pounds. When I got married I was a healthy curvy 165lbs. Now I am tipping the scales at 293lbs! Yes I said it. I am 293lbs! When I stepped on the scale and saw my weight I thought I would pass out. How did I let myself get this big.

I learned a long time ago that I turn to food for answers. When I saw the scale and how much I weighed the frst thing I wanted was some buffalo wings with lots of ranch. I figured that would make me feel better. Well after eating those buffalo wings I sat and cried for many hours. Instead of doing something for myself I went and made things worse. WHY???? I really don't know, but I am tired. So this is the start of my journey.

My husband is leaving for another deployment to the sandbox and I am taking this opportunity to start working on me. I got out my elliptical and dusted it off. Already got myself a membership to the local YMCA. Bought the kids new bikes to ride while I do my walks. Plus I found two great ladies who are my walking buddies. I have a goal to lose 50lbs while my husband is deployed. I know this is attainable, but I will have to be accountable to myself. I want to do this. Hopefully along the way I can celebrate my triumps and commiserate with you over my weaknesses.

Look out world because Michele is coming back!