It's been a long time!

So last year I decided I was going to lose weight, but really I was never whole heartedly into it. Instead I was doing it so I would look a little better for my husband's homecoming. So of course the weightloss didn't last. Instead I gained back all my weight and a little more. About 2 months ago I weighed in at 317lbs! That night I cried, I prayed, and I cried some more. Why was I doing this to myself? I wasn't happy. I hurt all the time, and was sick so often. I was tired of living this life like this. So here I am, no smoke screens, no what ifs, and no more failure. I am doing this.

Two months ago I weighed in at 317lbs. I came out of my bathroom devastated that I let this happen to me. I always have excuses and I am good at blaming my lack of good habits on others. So it was time to look at myself and realize this it is all my fault! So I talked to my husband and said I have to do something for me. I need more then just the gym. I need a good class.

So I went online and started looking for something. I think God was listening when I prayed and there it was. My friend Elysia had posted a flier for DumBell Fitness (http://www.dumbell-fit.com/Dumbell_Fitness/Home.html). I talked to her about it and said this is exactly what I need! After that I contacted the group and signed up for their next class.

Right away I decided to start eating healthier. I stopped all fast food and soda! When I went in for my first weigh in a week & a half later I was down to 307lbs! Wow this was great and it was still 5 days before I started my new class. Then I started my class. Oh boy was it hard, and yes I cried at the end of that first class. You know why I cried? I cried because once upon a time that class would have been easy for me. Now I could barely jog and I felt like I was falling behind everyone. Of course the class leader was awesome. She told me I wasn't a failure and I was out there doing it while others were still on the couch. She said she had faith I could do it. That meant the world to me.

I continued to go to my class 3 times a week for a month. On my off days my wonderful military friends took turns walking with me. It was great. Along the way I started talking to more and more girls from my class. They were cheering me on, the were telling me how well I was doing, and they told me they appreciated that I was still coming to class. This meant the world to me. Having that support it half the battle with weightloss.

At my next weigh in I was down to 297! I was doing it. I had lost another 10lbs. Of course a few days later I had a very rough day. I really started doubting myself. I doubted I could keep this up. Of course after my pity party I discovered something had changed in me. In the past during my pity parties I would start eating, This time I prayed and then I went walking. God was telling me I was allowed to question myself, but he was going to keep leading me where I needed to be.

This last week has been amazing. We had a week off of bootcamp, but several of us ladies got together and decided to climb Kokohead! I was all in. I heard it was't that bad. Then I got there and started climbing the 1048 steps to the top. 200 steps I thought how can I do this? I kept going. At the half way mark I lost it. I lost hope. Thankfully Elysia was by my side and my bootcamp leader Laurie had come by to check on me. I broke down. I cried. I said I can't do this. I am a failure. They both looked at me dumbfounded. They told me I wasn't a failure. I tried and next time I would get further. Something about Laurie is always so encouraging to me. I finished my crying and said I think i can go a little further. Elysia stayed right there.

I could go on and on about this hike, but I will tell you I met some wonderful, very encouraging people. With 100 stairs to the top I asked Elysia to finish so that I would have a reason to finish. She did and one of the other ladies Megan came down to encourage me the rest of the way. Long story short I made it. At the top were my ladies and a group of other hikers who had helped encourage me along the way. I did it. I overcame that mountian. Going down was hard too, and I wanted to give up, but my trusty friend Elysia was right there. I thanked her and I was so appreciative that she stayed by my side for 4 hours! Yes it did take me a total of 4 hours. I am proud of that.

In the last few days I have talked to lots of friends, past and present. They let me know I was inspiring them with my constant facebook posts and food photos. My sister said my niece had started eating better and working out. Friends have asked me what I am doing and how they can get started. They have let me know that I inspire them. I just hope they all know that they inspire me as well. I have a long way to go (120lbs), and I know I will need to lean on all my friends and family through my journey. As I am starting I have a few tip:

1. Find a great workout group ( I found DumBell Fitness)

2. Create a positive group of people around you to help push you to your goal in a loving manner (working out with you or cooking healthy with you).

3. Be consistant, and know you can do this.

4. Great supplements I take AdvoCare (https://www.advocare.com/12081586/Store/default.aspx)

5. Pray for guidence ( God will lead you where he thinks you need to be)

Not perfect

I am definatly not perfect. I have gotten off track by a lot. I gained back about 10lbs and I am so sad about it. Of course I can not dwell on the fact that I gained weight. I know this is part of the process of keeping it off forever. Now it is time for me to look into myself and figure out why I let myself do this.

I can use the excuse that I was on vacation, but to me that isn't good enough because I had access to a gym and should have made better food choices. I could blame it on my injured foot, but that is a copout. After all I have had bad feet for years and it hasn;t stopped me in the past. Really I just let myself down and decided not to think of me again. This is always my peopblem I think about my kids nd my family over myself.

Today is a new day. I am back to eating healthy (started my day with a protein shake) and I will be meeting my trainer for a good upper body workout (in walking cast so no lower body). I already planned my meals for the day and trying to eat much healthier. I also planned out my meals for the next 3 days. I am hoping this helps and makes things a lot easier.

Thanks for sticking by me and supporting me through thsi journey. I have so many reasons to lose the weight (husband will behome from deployment soon, I'm in a wedding n October, Marine Corps Ball in November, and I just want to have a healthier easier life).

So what I am saying is I am not perfect and that is okay. Just as long as I get up and don't give up I will make it through this.

Epic fail!

I am here to admit my failure's and believe me I do fail. I was doing so good on my weightloss, but soemthing happened. I am not sure what happened, but something did and it was like hitting a brick wall. I gained 3lbs back. I was so disappointed I started jumping back into my old habits. Eating bad, barely working out, not liking myself. Finally I forced myself to go back to the gym. Thank goodness I did. The first session back I sucked. Even the trainer said I wasn't myself. I told him I wasn't into it and I didn't feel good. Well he didn't give up on me. Instead he changed my workout and pushed me.

I hated every moment of that workout and could have screamed at my trainer, but I didn't. I complained and he let me, but he never let me quit. So I did the workout even though I didn't want to. You know what happend? I left much happier and felt like I WASN'T a failure. Instead I knew I could do it, and there was someone there to push me to do it.

So once again i am back on track. I have so far to go, but I have taken off the 3lbs I gained and I know I will be okay. Time to focus and get serious. I realy want to lose another 30lbs before September!

Cleaning Plates

I was talking to a friend about habits I am trying to change. One of the biggest is cleaning my kids plate. You know what I am talking about. When there are 2 fries left on the plate it needs to go in the trash not my mouth. Or they didn't touch their chicken at all. You don't want to waste it so you eat it. Never mind you already ate your 4 oz of chicken and all the sides already.

Another thing is when you get your kids a snack. Even though they are kids snacks you can't stop yourself from taking that one little bit to taste it. No more doing that!!!! I know it looks good, but stop. I am so guilty of this of course. Even things I know I don't like because it is a snack I pop it right in my mouth. I always regret it later yet I still do it.

So I think it is time that we say no more cleaning the kids plates. Now after they eat and I have looked at the plates and decided they tried enough of their ood I make the kids put the rest in the trash and rinse off their plates. My 2 year old is even doing this. So no more cleaning the kids plates for me. Now to just work on that snack thing....

WOW!!!!

I know I am losing weight and looking better in my clothes. I just can't see it. When you are as big as I am it is hard to see weightloss until you lose large amounts. So I had my trainer weigh me, tape me, and pinch me. I was so shocked to see the numbers. I have lost 26lbs since my husband left for his deployments Feb 28th! Not too shabby at all. I am down 4% body fat! I lost 8 inches in my waist, 6 inches in my shoulders 5 inches in my hips, and a bunch more inches in other areas of my body! I was shocked when my trainer read off my numbers. I couldn't believe it. I knew I was working hard and was getting results, but I couldn't see the results. Now I have hard numbers and I am feeling great.

For a reward ( I really think it was punishment, lol) my trainer gave me an extra hard workout. Boy am I feeling it this morning. My shoulders and arms are killing me. I thought he would take it easy on me after the great numbers, but I was wrong. He pushed me extra hard and looks forward to more results just like I do.

Having a trainer is expensive, but in the end it has been so worth it. He is pushing me in ways I wouldn't have done myself. I would have been intimidated by all the guys using the weights. I would have skipped those everytime, but not with the trainer. He gets me going and now I get to see the results.

Fitting in clothes

Before my husband left for deployment I bought this really cute black and white shirt. Well I never tried it on at the store because it was my size and I hate getting undressed in public. So I got it home and tried it on. Well guess what? Your right it didn't fit me. I was so mad. I looked horrible and it was so tight on me that I couldn't breath. Of course it was too cute take back, plus my toddler had already pulled the tag off. So I put it in the closet hoping I would lose weight to be able to fit in it.

Well today I was trying to figure out what to wear. I am doing childcare for the services of a  Marine who lost his life. Well I don't want to go in my cargo pants and tshirt because I feel it would be disrespectful. Of course I also didn't want to dress too formal with working with kids. So I go in the closet and try on this shirt. I was sure it wouldn't fit. After all it was six weeks ago I could barely pull it over my chest. Well low and behold the shirt fits!!!!

I am so excited to be seeing the results. I am glad my clothes are getting a little looser. I still have a LONG way to go, but I am making progress.

Falling on my butt (literally) and getting back up

I've been meaning to tell you all about my fall at the gym. When I say fall I mean I fell flat on my booty. It was the slowest fall in my life. I swear I could have read War in Peace in the time that it took me to fall. It was slow motion at it's finest. My trainer wasn't doing anything very difficult, but I over thought it. I was thinking about everything that could happen, would happen, how to so it correctly and everything else. It was horrible.

So when I fell all I really wanted to do was sit there and say I am done. I'm going home. That hurt. I am DONE for the day. BUT....I didn't do that. Sure it hurt a little. I am a big girl and I fell off a stool and my big old booty and slammed my ankle into the ground. It would have been easy to give up. Instead I got up and went right back at it. Of course we decided no more stool for teh day, but I kept at it and got a great workout.

When Iw as done with my training session I kept thinking how easy it would have been to give up. After all that is what I have done in the past. Of course this time I didn't do this. I got up and kept going. So if you fall figurtivly or literally just get back up. You can do this, just like I am doing it.